


He was my brother

by Orlha



Series: It was never for recognition [2]
Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Thor Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-14 00:26:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4543170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orlha/pseuds/Orlha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki AU. Read first of the series before reading this.</p><p>Thor reflects on what had gone wrong that set Loki down the path of destruction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He was my brother

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation of the first of the series and is highly inadvisable to skip the first one. 
> 
> As in "To be a Villian" was in Loki's POV, it felt strange if I cut it away to another prespective at the same time, it didn't feel right... if I didn't elaborate what happened after the death. 
> 
> So here it is.

Thor didn’t remember much of his childhood and like most Asgardians, he was mostly forgiven if he did. They lived long lives and much of their lives were in ‘adulthood’ if he had to compare it to the way Midgardians judged each other by their looks.

If he had to admit, he was not the most amicable one around. He was brash, stubborn and had far too little of that gilb that Loki and Baldur had. It had been because of Loki and Baldur that helped him get out of trouble though it was frequently also because of them getting him into the very same trouble.

Thor held Loki in his arms, the brother he once loved. How many had he killed in his pursue for glory and world domination? There were times where he wondered if jealousy had driven Loki into madness, times where he wondered if there was something that he could have done differently to change the course of history.

The day he brashly went down to Jotunheim to destroy the Frost Giants once and for all, he had ignored all reasoning in his arrogance. Loki had always scolded him for being arrogant but he had never seen the need to heed. He was rightful king, soon to be king too. Too little humility that Loki had in spades from standing in his shadow. Always in his shadow.

Was that his biggest mistake?

Blood dripped from his arms as he cradled his brother. The warmth blood, the thick metallic smell that never bothered Thor before stung his nose.

How many battles had Loki followed him into? He never once complained, always there to give him wisdom and a good smack to the head when he needed, especially when Baldur left. It was his fault that Baldur left. Loki never let him forget that. He had known Baldur had been utterly smitten with Lady Nanna, yet upon knowing he, he had in his arrogance and ego told Baldur that that there was no lady that could resist his charms. He refused to listen to Loki who had constantly played peacemaker between him and Baldur.

Loki always played peacemaker. Baldur was very much loved by all of Asgard and he was very much loved by the all of those in court of Asgard. Loki only ever had their mother.  Loki had been contented to let Thor all the credit for the countless of battles they had been victorious in.

That was his mistake, wasn’t it? Never letting Loki shine even when it was his plan that aided them.

“The fucker is finally fucking dead.” He heard the Soldier of Winter mutter behind him. He could not fault the soldier of Winter for his aggression. Loki had been the cause for so many deaths.

His heart lurched as the hand that he held squeezed lightly. Loki stared back at him with his blue eyes, blue like the tesseract and not the first time in the long pursue for Loki did Thor wonder if Loki had been brainwashed as well. Father had told him the story about the tesseract, he had heard about it first hand by the man, eyes of Hawk.

Anger.

He should be feeling anger. How many times he had pleaded his brother to stop his madness, how many times he had defended his brother from the Asgardian court, from the Avengers in hope that he would be able to stop his brother. How many times he had held out in hopes that if Loki had a way of turning back, that he would. Loki, the brother he always had though they were not related by blood.

Thor remembered the summers with Loki when he was still too proud for his own good. He remembered the times that he and Loki had played tricks on Father, attempt to steal apples from the tree of Idunn.

Then everything changed when they had grown up, when he received Mjölnir and Loki received his scepter along with the full-fledged sage status.

“Why wouldn’t you turn back?” Thor muttered to Loki, leaning over his face.

Warriors don’t cry.

Loki only smiled. His eyes did not waver as he stared back. Warmth bleeding into Thor’s core. The warm eyes he remembered from his childhood. How long ago it had been since he last saw it. Thor fought the strange clenching feeling in his chest.

“Brother-“ Thor choked on the words. If there was a chance in a million that he could save Loki, he would do it. Even if Heimdall would open the bifrost and he brought Loki to the healers, he knew that it’d be too late. The wounds were too grave for even an Asgardian to live through it.

Odin had ensured it. Loki’s death would be permanent even in death. The gates of Valhalla or even Helgafjell would not be open to one that had been forsaken.

A large fat drop of water landed on Loki’s growing cold cheek. It was not tears. The skies were crying.  

Thor stood, still cradling Loki. Even if Odin had rebuffed Loki, even if the Midgardians refused, Thor would carry him back to Asgard, let his boat sail to the infinite falls, force an archer to light his boat. He did not care. Thor was not going to let anyone stop him. The days of the stubborn prince were gone, but if that was going to take to give Loki a proper funeral, Thor swore that he would do it.

“Wait. We need to make sure that reindeer games is really dead, dead.” The man of Iron halted his walk.

“He is still my brother, Stark.” Thor said plaintively.

Stark flipped his faceplate. “Sorry point break. You know how it is.” There was no remorse in his face and Thor would not fault him. Stark was just another man in a long line hungering for the blood of his brother.

Thor stood, staring at Stark who refused to give way. “Please.” Thor said, his voice coming out in a harsh rasp. He had squared his shoulders, now refusing to look at anyone but Loki.

“I’m sorry,” the man of Shield murmured and squeezed his shoulder with sympathy.

Thor really did understand where they were coming from. He really did. He allowed the man of Shield take Loki’s body from his arms, he allowed them to put Loki's body in a box.

He really understood, but it didn’t mean he liked it any bit. His shoulders shook and Thor reached to palm his eyes before anyone could see his face. 

_Please, if there was any way to make this better._

Thor wasn’t one who believed that there was anything beyond one’s own strength. He never sought to depend on anything the Midgardians considered god or deity. But if there was anything, anyway that he could redeem his brother.

He took a stuttering breath and collapsed onto the seat beside the box.

_If there was any way to redeem his brother, he would do it._

Thor stared at the oddly tranquil expression on his brother’s face. A smile that was nothing sneering or menacing lay on his face. Had he found peace in death? Thor hoped so.

 


End file.
